POST-ATHEIST

2009-10-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

i discovered recently while reflecting during transit (as i am wont to do these days, whether walking or being whisked and jolted here and there via the tube) that somehow my grief, the quality of my missing papa has transitioned in the past year.

it is not so acute. after nearly five years (can that be?) it has become a slow burn. there is now a chunk of life lived without his presence, his influence. in some ways this hurts even harder. i'm losing the sound, the timbre of his 'hello' when he answered the phone, the memory of his shuffle when he walked out back to feed the goats and dogs and g-d-knows-what-else, emus i guess, more distant, even the first grief a grief of the past, those instances of remembering now something to be remembered, things mediated by the march of minutes as time presses ever forward, even as the past several months have been such a sound vacuum, this bubble of time somehow impervious to reality, or is it vice versa?

in many ways i am keeping my thoughts about the past year to myself as they take shape. i am in process.

not that i am suggesting there is a destination, some place where i may dust off my hands and declare the work finished, to have somehow come to understand what has taken place (that would be to ascribe it Meaning, i think)... but the analysis is too vulnerable, too young, perhaps too ugly...

as i live out the consequences of having checked out from the world for a while to *not die* and recover, the gravity of what has taken place sinks in, shaking me. everyone else already went through this, from the worried space of the proverbial (and actual) bedside.

i feel jarred, violently ripped from the life that i knew, battered about and left to recover. the hard work of regaining physical health has led me to sustainable habits. the people i love helped me with that. it is time to figure out what to do with these pieces, to fold this experience into my identity as i make a life again for myself.

not enough room

2009-09-18T13:59:00.000-07:00

Carrot Tzatziki

2009-09-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

Ingredients

1 C low-fat plain yogurt
1 clove garlic
2 tsp olive oil
2 tsp white wine vinegar
1 carrot
s&p to taste

Instructions

Grate the garlic and carrot into a bowl, combine with the remaining ingredients.

update for inquiring minds

2009-09-07T07:02:00.000-07:00

Update

London
I leave on the 22nd for London, where I'll be pursuing a MA in Philosophy and Contemporary Critical Theory at Middlesex University. I am still waiting to enroll, but I'll be taking four modules and writing a dissertation. The program takes one full year. I will be studying the German and French schools of thought in a broad sense, and will do in-depth study of Kant, Hegel, Deleuze, Negri, Agamben, Nietzsche, Heidegger....

I will also be studying French and hope to get a part-time job doing something fun.

Life, The Universe, and Everything
I'm still clocking in some hours with the family for whom I'm an assistant. It is difficult to leave my two beautiful, talented children, but I am excited for what the coming year holds for them.

My liver is behaving itself, and the latest numbers from my bloodwork are in a healthy range! I am feeling back to "normal" -- I do yoga or run 5x/week, my sleep patterns have normalized, and overall I feel great (this weekend is an exception, due to lack of sleep and a small bug Ann passed my way).

I am selling my car, and am trying to simplify as I pack for the UK. I am really going to miss my sewing machine, my guitar, and all of my cooking gear. That stuff is going into storage, along with the books that I can't afford to take. The rest I am giving away. That's right: the largest and most diverse collection of bath products (I could more than fill a large suitcase!)this side of the Red River is going to be scattered among a lucky few.

I have about twenty boxes that I have managed to get from various shops in Preston Hollow: the goal is to pack only what will fit in said boxes (or less).

I'm sure that there is more to update, but the boy is writing a screenplay for his film studies class and he has some questions about dialogue....

***
in response to james' question yesterday: i don't know that i need to provide a belief-statement in regard to knowledge of a thing-in-itself (or the thingness of a thing for that matter). that said, i do find kant's argument for a synthetic unity of intuitive occurrences compelling.
***

R.I.P. Bronwen

2009-06-29T14:37:00.000-07:00

The bunny passed away last week :(

on bad influences

2009-06-16T10:39:00.001-07:00

...shan suggests that her uncle play hookey from work to spend a day at bolivar....

30

2009-06-10T15:10:00.000-07:00

sometimes, on days frustrating like today, it behooves one to take pause and reflect on the phrase that deserves to be written and uttered more than once or twice:

i am still here.

in this, the summer of my lost year, sitting on the couch at work exhausted while the young teenager plays with his new cell phone, i am reminded of the glass half full take on the troubles my health has brought this direction.

and later tonight? spinach and mushroom enchiladas with mole sauce along with roasted corn on the cobb and chile lime butter.

-----

my last few blog posts (since the first hospitalization in february) have a forced quality, as though i'm trying to conjure up hope.

that's okay. despair is in such ample supply and so damned accessible. i accept this season. sometimes i'm even at peace with the disappointment, suffering, and blows both financial and academic.

when i look in the mirror to brush my teeth or comb my hair, a thirty-year-old looks back solemnly.

the strand

2009-05-30T21:13:00.001-07:00

This year's trip to Bolivar was calm and healing. The peninsula is definitely making a come back.

Ike's water line in Galveston's historic district was higher than our heads in some areas.

My favorite place's resilience is encouraging -- I'll go ahead and acknowledge the parallel to my recovery :)

The sixth annual trip to the beach was a success.*

*Speaking of annual events, the 11th annual spaghetti dinner has been postponed (it is traditionally in May). Perhaps this autumn I'll have the energy and wherewithal to throw said shindig.

bootstraps

2009-05-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

three months ago an independent shan drove herself to the hospital at the behest of her GP where she spent the first night alone, in good cheer.

i didn't see the storm that was coming. i remember thinking it odd that they asked if i had a living will when i admitted myself.

i have come a long way since i got up close and personal with death, but there is no end in sight to this recovery.

i just have to remind myself that just because it is not *in sight* that does not mean it is not there, somewhere in the hazy future. and between now and whatever, whenever there holds and will be: a few days on bolivar. my butt may have refused to return after the bout of malnourishment, but i'm still donning a bikini to get my annual dose of salt water and sun, of vacation.

----

nearly dying gets one thinking about things like wills and such. at this point dan gets the books, the journals, the computers (and files, including everything i've written). it seems silly to itemize my shit (my chef's knife goes to courtney, the sewing machine and stuff to mom, etc.)

i'm really kind of hoping to be around a lot longer.

regarding any sort of service: justin has to sing and play "today" -- uncle mike will lead everyone in "you are my sunshine" as he did at aunt mandi's funeral... and until i make arrangements to be put in the earth in a natural way, the interim plan is to be cremated. i wouldn't mind being sprinkled or tumped over the edge of wheeler peak in new mexico, but that means someone has to climb that sucker. the window out in big bend national park is a good alternative. either way you're going to have to split me up, because some ashes are going to go over the railing of the bolivar ferry, inshallah.

that's all i've got at the moment. time to get to work.

Das Leben

2009-04-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

The disappointment at the canceled (or rather, severely delayed) trip to Germany has hung like a low cloud with long gusty winds for long enough.

Today I received a German reader and the Christian Bible in German, along with a German-English dictionary. The first Harry Potter and a German-German dictionary are on their way (I found a good vs. of the latter online at www.dwds.de. It's going to be slow-go, especially as my vocab is very small at this point, but I'm following the apronus method.

I just "read" (translated) a brief poem entitled "Das Leben."

Next up: the book of Mark.

----

hope.

Introducing Bronwen!

2009-04-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

Creamy Low-sodium Veggie Mix

2009-04-25T04:25:00.000-07:00

Ingredients

New potatoes, boiled till soft and sliced into 1/2 inch rounds
Chopped veggies (onion, bell pepper, mushroom, carrot, etc)
Heavy cream
Penzey's "Sunny Spain" spice mix
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper.

Instructions

Place all ingredients in a heavy pot (use enough cream to cover the veggies); bring to a boil and lower heat. Simmer for ~20 minutes. Spice to taste.

(Thanks for the recipe Mom!)

Roasted Eggplant with Orzo and Ricotta Pillows

2009-04-25T04:14:00.000-07:00

Ingredients

1/8 C olive oil
1 C chopped onion
2 large leeks, washed and sliced 1/2 inch thick
1 large eggplant, chopped
2 medium red peppers, seeded and chopped
3 large tomatoes, chopped
1/2 C sun-dried tomatoes, thinkly sliced
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1/2 pound orzo pasta, cooked
1/2 C chopped fresh basil
1/2 C tomato juice
1 C ricotta cheese
1/2 C pine nuts
1/2 C dried bread crumbs
1/2 C grated parmesan
1/4 C chopped parsley
2 tsp dried Italian herbs

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375. Saute onion, leeks, eggplant and peppers in the olive oil for 3-5 minutes; adding water if necessary to prevent sticking to the pan.

Add the tomatoes, sundried tomatoes, garlic, and orzo. Stir in the basil and tomato juice, add scant pinch of kosher salt and black pepper to taste and stir. Place in a 9X9 greased baking dish. Top with dollops of spooned-on ricotta. Mix the pine nuts, bread crumbs, parm, parsley, and Italian herbs; sprinkle on top of the mixture. Bake until top is golden brown, ~ 20 minutes.

From the Whole Foods Market Cookbook.

Cauliflower Sauteed with Peaches and Cardamom

2009-04-25T04:10:00.000-07:00

Ingredients

4 C chopped cauliflower
2 medium shallots, slivered
1/4 tsp kosher salt
3/4 lb peaches (2 medium)
1/2 tsp ground ground cardamom
Black Pepper
2 tbsp minced fresh parsley leaves

Instructions.

Cook cauliflower, shallots, and salt with 1/3 C water in heavy skillet covered for 7-10 minutes (till cauliflower is fork-tender). Peel the peaches and slice the flesh from the pits into bite-sized chunks; stir in with the spices and cook for ~3 minutes; toss with the parsley. Add s&p to taste.

From The Vegan Gourmet.

shan's first complaint

2009-03-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

my stomach may be huge, but to get rid of the fluid (which in addition to being unsightly is very dangerous: it could get infected and put me back in the hospital) i have to eat less than 2,000 mg of salt per day.

there is more sodium in one teaspoon of salt than that.

the chef is being shut down for a while :(

this month:

2009-03-24T17:04:00.000-07:00

I beat hepatic encephalopathy among other things.

I've discovered that my sister is not only an incredible nurse but a thoughtful, fun roommate.

I fell in love with bathtubs and beds all over again after the hospital stay.

i am still here.

2009-02-09T16:05:00.001-08:00

Initially I read this headline as "Librarians Being Deported"

saturday feels like saturday

2009-02-07T05:51:00.000-08:00

who knew i would love homiletics (or exegesis for that matter)?

this morning is gorgeous gray and temperate. i really wish that i could talk to papa; i'm curious about how he prepared... i know he loved his concordance.

heading to work, and then tonight i try a plum sandwich with arugula-walnut pesto recipe, along with a warm pear rainbow swiss chard salad with sour orange vinaigrette.

i love the new andrew bird and saxby's coffee shop. saturday feels like saturday.

The Wood Rat (Bastard Bitch)

2009-01-18T07:39:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite Taos stories involves these rather cute little rodents who build nests out of pine needles and what counts as brush where they hoard pinon pine nuts and sparkly things they may happen to come across.

I don't really undestand wood rat psychology, but it appears that these little guys either have a rather skewed bartering system or a severe case of OCD -- whenever they take something that shines they leave something in its place.

This is important to note, because when staying in the forest in Taos on the SMU campus we are urged to keep the doors to the casitas closed at all times so that local wildlife (such as raccoons as big as goat dogs) don't wander in and wreak havoc. During one summer term an affluent student left a pair of diamond stud earrings in on the bathroom counter, a space she was sharing with about ten other women.

After returning from brunch at the town square, she discovered that one of her earrings had been stolen. She indulged in several minutes of accusations and finger pointing, and took her complaint to the gentleman who runs the summer programs on campus. She was dismayed when he chuckled and asked her, "Was there by chance a pebble placed next to the other earring?"

I felt a similar sense of futility and humor when the glass guy was vacuuming up all the breakaway bits and handed me a huge rock that he found in the passenger seat. "This thing yours?"

It is now.

2009-01-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

at work after a morning with jill, the brilliant punster who consumes large quantities of milk, bellydances for fun, and is one outstanding actress who hails from chicago these days.*

i showed her the changing skyline of dallas and we hit a couple of old favorite haunts (if purchasing hummus and banging on damon's door can be considered such) while catching up. she is a part of a vibrant community of creative folk who, among other things, have their own theater company.

it had not occurred to me to consider the effects of the economic downturn on the arts in any detail. so many artists of any bent rely on day jobs (and certainly night jobs in much of the service industry) to sustain them so that they may pursue their art.

just a thought.

post-atheism: a definition of sorts

2009-01-09T09:11:00.000-08:00

The adoption of the term post-atheist as a self-description springs from a determination to name myself. I had a conversation with my cousin Todd over the holidays last year (he's a brilliant geneticist who I do not get to see too often) and he asked why I didn't just use the term "agnostic."

First, that term is often misused and misunderstood. It carries with it some cultural understandings that do not apply to the strict definition of the word.

After a period of rather pointed, barbed atheism (what theyblinked referred to as my fundamentalist atheism), I discovered that it was arrogant and off-putting to simply exchange one fundamentalism for another.

One reason I've been uncomfortable with the term "atheist" is that it involves identifying oneself negatively in regard to the other. It establishes and validates the other as the norm. Attempts of atheists to rename themselves have thus far been lackluster (any one remember the Brights?). All of this said, I did identify as such, so as I pursue a more nuanced theory of the creeping metaphysic and allow space for the mystery, "post-atheist" seems like the most appropriate term.

----

In addition, I am enamored of the connotations that the prefix "post" contains. The term "post" indicates that something has come before, that this thing is a part of one's personal contingency that cannot be effaced. I am post-"many things" -- it just so happens that atheism is the most recent and pertinent. I still consider myself a self deconstructing text (like all texts). I'm definitely post-Christian. All of that is kind of personal history business that may or may not be of interest. (For me the theoretical is inextricably tied to one's experience -- I am by default contingently interested in theory.)

So why post-atheism? It does not shut down the possibility of the mystery (to borrow process theologians' languagwe), the oceanic (see Freud and otr psychoanalysts*), metaphysics of varying degrees, etc. Even for staunchly atheist thinkers such as Richard Rorty one can detect a "creeping metaphysic" (I'm working on tweaking a paper on the the creeping metaphysic in his work).

Labels are always already inadequate pieces of shorthand, but as we are linguistic creatures (see how even that word presupposes a creator?) it behooves us --well, me, anyway-- to select carefully the language we use. The term post-atheist is an honest attempt at self-description. That I still eschew invisible sky king religion riles some people up. The contingeny, identity, social location, whathaveyou, that is particular to the person Shanna Caughey can bewilder some (especially some of my peers at Perkins School of Theology, where I'm pursuing a Masters in Theological Studies). My motivation for pursuing this degree is another topic, and I have thai food to plan out, purchase, and cook....

**I found this while poking around the internet this morning

Turning 30!

2009-01-09T08:46:00.000-08:00

Per usual, several friends will be gathering at the Meridian Room on my birthday. (I am so utterly thrilled that the place is open again.)

Saturday, January 24 from 7PM to ?

2009-01-04T09:27:00.001-08:00

i don't know if i just realized that i am a girl of sorts, or that i spend too much on beauty products.

either way, i am livid. every last bit of my makeup is gone. gone. i will not embarrass myself by telling you how much that little bag of colors and brushes and such was worth.

the bastard bitch had better be enjoying my timberland luggage

2009-01-04T05:30:00.000-08:00

after visiting gran in the hospital (which involved even more driving all the hell across texas -- i clocked in over 1000 miles this holiday) i tucked HAL into his spot by the condo and curled into bed, exhausted.

the morning did not start so well.

we should post a memo to those who spend their evenings engaging in theft:
if you are going to break into a car, please do so with courtesy. act like a gentleman -- knock in a side window and unlock the doors. do not smash in the hatch and crawl through the back like some kind of heathen! seriously.

seriously.

missing items:

toiletries (those of you who know me well know what a blow this is)
ipod (i know -- this was a stupid move on my part)
thingy that allows the ipod to play over the radio
my favorite pants
my new years' outfit of glory
flip flops
my new suitcase. i loved that suitcase.
contact lenses
my favorite shirt that brandon left me when he moved ~8 years ago
eagleton
rorty

oh. and glass that costs more to fix than the miles i clocked over the holidays.

i hope the ass was disappointed when he opened the stolen suitcase only to find some philosophy and dirty clothes.

i'm taking a breath and watching my favorite SNL clip. fast fwd past the map and goldfish bits to the financial analyst. i wonder if i love oscar rogers so much because he's just a tad more anxious than i tend to be?!

tomorrow morning when i have my bowl of whole grain cheerios the morning paper better read that it's been fixed!

the science library

2008-12-07T12:46:00.000-08:00

it is glorious. i haven't heard a human voice in an hour.

all of the undergrads are over in the main library whispering and laughing and generally making a ruckus.

i love the white noise of pages turning, footsteps on the stairs, the gentle sound of fingertips on a keyboard.... i'm sitting at a tiny wooden carrel in a giant two-story room that is filled with books and thoughts in process.

time to get back to mine.

from the archives

2008-11-22T19:03:00.000-08:00

at the age of 12 my first boyfriend broke up with me.

his name was aaron.

he gave three reasons, which were communicated to me via a friend who he was seen holding hands with three days later. (gasp!)

they are as follows:

1. i talked too much about god.

2. i was boring.

3. i talked too much about the world ending.

obviously this kid was not destined to be a huge fan of independence day.

2008-11-15T04:16:00.000-08:00

what a crazy week. i had to go into work at 5:45AM twice this week; pete rollins is in town, and i am crazy enough to be cooking for brunch on sunday. combine that with the fact that the semester is coming to an end, i broke my toe and flipped off a rude pharmacist. i still haven't taken my car in to get the belt fixed, which is just fine, seeing as how there is no way i could use the clutch right now.

no wonder i was in bed by nine on a friday night.

Bolivar

2008-11-14T13:58:00.000-08:00

Okay: One more

2008-11-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

this was in the field behind the cemetery where my grandparents are buried.

yes, we did look inside.

More to come....

2008-11-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

The whole day on Bolivar kind of felt absurd, just like this:

this is a block or so away from the Kohlmans' and my grandmother's place.

i've got to work in a few minutes, but i will post more pictures soon.

2008-11-08T15:39:00.000-08:00

just in from the beach. pictures to come once i'm back home.

2008-11-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

shan is tired. it has been a long week of studying, reading, tutoring, and such. it has been so long since i have cooked: i don't even have a jar of pickles to snack on -- just a doorful of condiments and outdated milk.

but, but. this weekend she will see her family and drive a convertible and see her cat and see the beach.

i promise not to be eaten by an alligator. i promise to take pictures of everything i can during our day on bolivar.

2008-10-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

yes: i actually studied the film dolemite in a 4000-level english course on masculinity and pop culture.

the film became a favorite at the buehring-mcgee-caughey abode; that was back before any of us were vegetarian, back when the spaghetti dinner (it was the 2nd annual) involved ground beef, back before bran was buddhist, stace got engaged, and i discovered derrida....

the lyric of the morning:

2008-10-15T05:10:00.000-07:00

she loved the lord the way an apostate loves songs....

can you believe i didn't know what an apostate was until this semester?

but i swear there's still some good in me....

the little things....

2008-10-03T13:32:00.001-07:00

uncle john found the "secret passageway" -- he found the spiral staircase that was the source of many adventures when we were children.

he's rebuilding his beachhouse. and that sucker is going to be a part of it.

hope.

Back when shan had spare time

2008-10-02T16:01:00.000-07:00

don't i look all intense? register! do it now!

2008-09-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

please don't shoot me from a plane because this resonates with me.

"i have a bracelet too!"

2008-09-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

last night's debate was underwhelming... actually, it was downright boring.

i hope that obama will ease back into his dynamic personality rather than this stilted performance that i assume is the result of poor advice.

that said, the experience of watching it with mr. hughes over sandwiches and tequila was exceptional. it is hard to believe that four years ago i was having debate-watching parties at the loft and registering people to vote outside the meridian room. if blogger will ever restore selfdeconstructingtext i'll link to the posts with pictures from that era. four years ago today i was enjoying a mojito while fair-goers filled out my little registration cards... today i am sitting in a mansion and preparing to write a paper on the early american pragmatists. i do wonder what uncle walt would think of all of this....

2008-09-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

kel and i are going to bolivar in a few weeks. i'll take pictures, inshallah.

cars and theory

2008-09-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

Shanna can't find her copy of Barthes' "Death of the Author."

She also is wondering where the hell Wimsatt and Beardsleys' "Intentional Fallacy" is.

This is a sorry state of affairs. I am on the verge of something big, some kind of epiphanic moment in process -- but I will have to allow it to percolate, as I need to pick up the kid from school. And I won't get started on describing the car I'm driving. I thought I was in love with the Mercedes....

this corvette is a work of art. The simple act of driving it is creative in itself.

2008-09-21T01:25:00.001-07:00

i came across this today:

"Looking to find Michael Kujawa and his lion... I know he made it through the storm but don't know his whereabouts now. There is a place for him to go in College Station...."

and yes: there is also a hungry tiger loose on crystal beach.

i exaggerate on occasion, but i am not making this up.

una mas

2008-09-18T02:28:00.000-07:00

Caughey house is 3rd row, 2nd hse on the right going down the center rd.

I've just run out of words.

i promise to stop obsessing over this.

2008-09-17T03:17:00.000-07:00

this video, especially the second half shot from the gulf looking towards the crystal beach subdivisions, is crushing.

note to self: do not start your day like this again, shan.

thanks to savvy for the link.

stages of mourning

2008-09-16T18:36:00.000-07:00

for me the first is always a cry:

give it back.

it is a demand soaked, awash in unabashed sorrow.

2008-09-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

one of my homes just got slammed into piles of debris and masses of water (and bodies). it is not just the structures that i frequented, the spaces i inhabited: an entire place is just... gone.

my cousin court was married there.
my cousin karl spent the summer after his freshman year of college there.
actually, my cousins karl and kel spent summers and years there.
my aunts and uncles and pets were raised there.
i've spent time there every single year that i have been alive.

my grandparents are buried there.

now their former home is buried there, as is uncle john's, uncle mike's, along with all of the places that have given me memories: places with silly names like key lime pi, the dancing mermaid, life's a beach....

what will be the shape of things to come? will the rebuild the ferry structure? what will happen to swede's?

an entire community just got obliterated, and we don't even have a death toll yet.

my favorite place in the world now looks like this:
http://ngs.woc.noaa.gov/storms/ike/geo-C25883793.jpg

angry and devastated

2008-09-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

my home on the coast is gone, i've been dying for information, and we get this:

http://www.galvnews.com/story.lasso?ewcd=47d67de20539ea2c

(thx to http://twitter.com/SleepyDude2007) for the link.

2008-09-12T18:21:00.000-07:00

please spare my island my and my peninsula.

why i should be taking greek

2008-09-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

the post atheist is neither an apostate nor an heretic.

apostate is derived from the greek apo = away, apart AND

stasis, which = standing.

and yes, i am looking these things up after an engaging lecture in xian heritage class this morning. i have more to say, but i have a kid to wrangle and a paper to write.

sigh.

the naming of things....

2008-09-09T17:58:00.000-07:00

the kids have just agreed that my family has some crazy names (both nicnames and given). i never really thought about it until A. and C. danced about while chanting the list from all of the stories they have heard over the years. I give you:

Cinderella
Aunt Bill
Angel
The Humdinger
Lulu
Choo-Choo Train
Aunt Sissy Cat
Othar Ray
Diddy
Mimi (they think it is Me-me. When C. was younger he would joke that he would name his daughter You-You.)

That said, their favorite? Bobby Joe.

"Who is named Bobby Joe??!?"

------

This is all true.

And Uncle Bobby dropped the "Joe" years ago.

2008-09-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

is it possible that a few years can make such a cultural difference? or is it just that my peers have been living in a cultural vacuum for, um, ever?

during the break today, the eight folks who are studying american pragmatism (all of whom, save yours truly, are teaching undergrad courses at the moment) found themselves engaged in what can hardly be called a conversation about hipsters.

yes. hipsters.

the one "expert" on the subject started to spew some snotty words about hipsters and i expected the usual... but lo and behold!! said individual actually had no idea what a hipster is! her closest definition involved new yorkers who wear neon-colored hats and "stupid clothing."

it is interesting to note that this individual was also sporting a t-shirt with an ironic pepsi slogan that she purchased at urban outfitters.

sigh.

i'm really less making fun of her than sitting here in bewilderment.

how is this possible?

i may get in trouble for this...

2008-09-08T17:18:00.000-07:00

... but i have to share a quote from the work of my favorite philosopher.

we require an ironic orthodoxy at least as much as a generous one.

2008-09-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

"we meet as a sign... [of] the survival of a love of letters amongst a people too busy to give to letters anymore."

emerson, "the american scholar," 1837

you have got to love the racist bastard.

HAL makes a comeback

2008-09-04T17:02:00.000-07:00

i'm at work, so

http://blog.wired.com/cars/2008/09/hondas-got-priu.html

i can be handy, mending a fuse

2008-08-24T05:37:00.000-07:00

the life of sh-n atm:

1) she has worked every day for nine days. a lot.
2) she somehow managed to make time to go to campus and fight the system despite the crazy work schedule
3) she got tipsy with case while they solved the world's problems
4) she waged a battle against a colony of fruit flies (the war is still on)
5) she argued with her brother about the spelling of the word "hiney" -- mom and wikipedia are on her side (but we all know it is impossible to win an argument with said sibling. it is a fruitless endeavor.)
6) her "pragmatism: a reader" is missing the first signature -- that means she has NO FRONT MATTER. how can she savor this book properly? is she merely addicted to copyright pages, or does she just hate the fact that when she opens the book she is greeted by page xxxiii?
7) she has anticipated the return of d-n
8) she has almost recovered from mono, which she got from her ten-year-old, who got it at camp
9) class begins tuesday!! dan returns tuesday!! what could be better than american pragmatism and love all in one day?
10) she is listening to "when i'm sixty-four"

2008-07-28T04:18:00.001-07:00

i have a feeling that Suze Restaurant is going to get a lot of attention tomorrow.

it is literally a block away from my employers' old home. i used to walk with the kids to the starbucks on that corner...

and for the record, I think Lisa Garza should have won The Next Food Network Star. the network has plenty of home-style cooking. Aaron is likeable like crazy, but she is the one who brought something unique that i think they could use.

and yes, you can all laugh now because i got suckered into a reality show.

yes i did.

2008-07-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

I recently served the following.

Mango Salsa (courtesy of Alma)
Spicy Tomato Soup (Miracle Drug)
Chiles Rellenos with Tomatillo-Lime Sauce
Spinach Enchiladas with Mexican Mole Sauce and Parrano Cheese Sauce

Just the thought of this dinner makes me smile. The official food tasting advisory committee is heading overseas for a month. Anyone want to step up to the plate* this August?

It's time to do something new with Thai and Indian influences.

*egad: Leah and Jill would love that pun.

quick note to myself

2008-07-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

that professor from notre dame who declared nietzsche an idiot, a philosopher one must not bother reading?

i think that he would appreciate continental and american pragmatist thought, were he not so dogmatic about the final signified.

he and they --we-- are speaking, conversing about the same things. his ontological (and deontoligical!) ethics simply do not allow him to engage in discourse that is not judgmental and defensive at the same time.

i miss the cats.

2008-07-26T19:42:00.001-07:00

2008-07-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

i have this strange feeling that my blog is going to be peppered with stories of how amazing my family is for a while. (i might just talk a lot about cars as well.)

go see karl's work in special effects on The Mummy 3. i am so cheering when his name appears in the credits.

karl just spent a week or so in texas; he took HAL on a series of adventures between Dallas and Houston while i borrowed a car from theyblinked. i was incredibly grateful for the loan but i have to tell you: this afternoon i experienced pure joy when i slid behind the wheel of my hybrid. it's not just the gas mileage, folks: i love everything about this car. i could write odes to third gear, deliver accolades in regard to the clutch....

it just feels right.

------

watch out for this generation of caugheys and jarrells. you've got a plentitude of raw talent with a good dose of gumption on your hands. we are scientists, musicians, editors, politicians, philosophers, filmmakers, businessfolk... we are black belts in the many things that we specialize in.

and we know how to make a mean cup of coffee.

I dare you to disagree....

2008-07-26T10:09:00.001-07:00

you cannot line-edit philosophy.

there is something beautiful in that.

Sailing Gypsies

2008-07-23T04:44:00.000-07:00

the 10-year-old demands stories.

they must be entertaining and they must be true -- she has heard everything from cinder midnight caughey's adventure with the family cat to stories of mom and uncle bobby milking their cow before breakfast.

she is fascinated by my family and requests stories about specific people. she wants to fly in uncle chuck's plane; she wants to go to one of justin's shows; she desperately wants to meet my sister; she's asked to see The Mummy 3 so that she can see Karl's name in the credits....

all that said, i do have a crazy large family. it's relatively easy to get confused... i was telling stories about sailing with the caughey uncles yesterday and A expressed the desire to meet them. i assured her that that could take place one day, and she responded with this: "Does this mean I get to meet the gypsy!?!"

Not only does she have the wrong side of the family: she was sitting right next to one.

i am in love.

2008-07-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

(warning: this is also a tale about the GDI reverse classist)

i come from a family of car people. we name them. they play prominent roles in all of our stories. i literally think about dave, about rhoda, about maxine, sydney, bob dole, the moosh, etc. with this incredible fondness. (kel: you can argue that bob dole's name is really lupe, but you know he had issues with the washer fluid.)

we listen to car talk.

i love hal, my 2000 insight. i especially love the gas mileage, i love all three of his cylinders, i love the clutch (it has just the right give, the right moosh)....

but last night i had an affair with stella.

i have read before that cars purr. i am here to tell you that THEY DO.

----

my aunt mandi loved her family. she loved her dogs, her cat named dillinger. and she loved her 2001 convertible mustang. six cylinders. the crazy color of green you will only find around 11AM when the sunlight hits the leaves of a citrus tree just right.

my aunt is no longer present, but she left the family an incredible legacy of story.

and she left us her car.

my cousin was gracious enough to allow me to drive stella last night. these words seem too mundane for the experience; this car begs to go on a road trip. she loves fifth gear. she loves the highway.

this is the kind of car who urges you to just keep going, to head west, you can buy a toothbrush when you stop for gas, put your hair back, kick the radio up, let's fly, let's hug the road, tell some stories on the way and smile....

i told you. in love.

---------

so the above has some kind of connection to the following story, i guess, as stella was the mode of transportation, the vehicle (that is a terrible word to use for such a gorgeous machine) that delivered me to the meat market that masquerades as an irish pub.

i won't kill you with details. suffice it to say that i was goosed and scoped out more than i care for in a crowded, loud bar full of spoiled, over-coiffed people who were openly desperate for sex.

i guess some might have settled for making out.

sigh.

that's not really the story here, though. one of the women i met is a student at smu and my good sweet lord you would not believe the shit that came out of her mouth. she's in one of the top three sororities (yeah, i know. i'm using their language.) she's a strikingly beautiful brunette who has an internship that is going to make her a success.

and she couldn't believe that i didn't rush in undergrad. she asked "what did you do then at smu? student senate? something?" (read: how could you not be greek??)

i talked about reading and studying, the professors who mentored me, etc and got blank looks. okay. this girl wanted to know what i did socially. i told her that i was the secretary of the GLBSO (gay and lesbian society thingy) and she nearly fell down dead in that booth in that crappy overcrowded bar that is a fracking simulcra. her shock was so pronounced that i fully expected her to grab my heifeweisen and toss it in her own face to wake her from this terrible terrible dream.

and here is the kicker, folks. she literally asked me the following in full sincerity.

"there are gay people at smu?"

-----

i'll let you sit with that one for a moment.

----

what kind of reality is she living in? and why on earth did she attempt to recover from her shock by asking me what said organization does? here you go:

"do they throw parties with drag queens or something?"

yeah. sure.

i am too nice. i should have told her that they meet to support each other because they are either othered or ignored by people like her.

sometimes i am too nice.

they refer to the social whirl at smu as a bubble. i inhabited that space for four years and i am still trying to rid myself of the anger i felt towards the privileged mass that was characterized by this lazy affluence. a disregard, nay, an ignorance of the suffering for other humans.

more on this later.

spaghetti!

2008-07-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

on friday thirty or so folks descended upon the villa (or is it that they ascended up the stairway towards the glory of culinary delights?).

we had lasagna rolls, veggies stuffed with orzo in cream sauce with artichoke hearts, spaghetti, roasted pear sandwiches, pizza for the kids, cookies, muffins, (thx to susan and mel, respectively on those last two!), and sangria.

we didn't have a death match for the artichoke heart (it just wouldn't be the same without keeler) but for me the night was declared a success when i found myself engaged in an extensive conversation about richard rorty with some of the most intelligent people on the planet.

----

i am cooking and i have no wine.

2008-07-11T13:35:00.000-07:00

I AM COOKING WITHOUT WINE!

(i put it all in the sangria.)

right this minute...

2008-07-11T13:31:00.000-07:00

listening to andrew bird. took a second to breathe before returning to the kitchen (which looks like hurricane shanna hit).

this is the kind of day when you realize there is a reason that you have eight or nine saute pans (of differing sizes and types, of course). at one point this morning i had three huge pots on the stove and i was wishing i had a fourth.

get ready folks.

july 4th at the villa

2008-07-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

instruction: the caughey man dance

2008-07-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

creature of habit

2008-07-04T05:33:00.001-07:00

everything feels a little sideways this weekend. for the past fifteen years i've spend the 4th (or a close approximation) at the bay with my family.

i miss that long early-morning drive, aunt penni's food, the beer, the conversation... it's always been some sort of marker, an indication that it is summer.

well, change is always afoot in some way or other. i'm determined to enjoy my day off.

justice

2008-06-24T05:10:00.000-07:00

this is not.

The 10th Annual Caughey Spaghetti Dinner

2008-06-23T10:06:00.001-07:00

will commence on july 11th!

7PM-? at the villa

bring wine or other liquid refreshments

please RSVP (shoot me an email)

serving:

spaghetti with tomato sauce

lasagna!

panini bar

salad

sangria (holly's secret recipe)

dessert-that-has-yet-to-be-determined

and much much more!

update and such

2008-06-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

feeling a little off today. i'm blaming the fact that i awoke with a tummyache not on the baba ghanoush but rather on the fact that tom waits is playing tomorrow.

tom waits is playing tomorrow and i am NOT going to be there.

whenever i use my time machine to visit shanna of the past i am going to leave out this detail. shanna circa '99 or '01 might just attempt to seriously maim a future shanna who admits that she would not shell out a hundred bucks to see the gravel-voiced genius.*

----

i miss the curious energy that my 15-year-old cousin brought to my home this past week. he stayed for a generous handful of days. we made pizza from scratch, watched heroes, visited smu, and played tennis. we also shared long discussions about life, the universe, and everything over belgian-style waffles and omelettes.

my sister surprised the family with a father's day visit.

i spent several hours making ravioli.

i made some new friends.

i caught up with some old ones.

today i get out the sewing machine and turn the guest room from a cozy pink-clad blah into something a little more interesting. here come golds, blues and greens!! the sheets are already in the washing machine with some RIT dye.

oh, and "because of recently enacted federal legislation, financial aid awarding for 2008-09 has been delayed." that gives one a great feeling with the fall semester soon coming. thanks, government. (i will rescind my sarcastic comment if this means more money for shan.)

*one of my favorite fantasies involves using a time machine to visit earlier versions of myself. let the scientists figure out the time-space continuum stuff -- i just want my machine! brandon used to write comic strips in which we went back to visit our favorite philosophers together.

sartre was kind of an ass, but it was still a good adventure.

insane indeed

2008-06-13T04:27:00.000-07:00

this reminds me of richard curtis' argument in this business of publishing.

i doubt that the book publishing industry is going to shift from the current "consignment" model any time soon, but i do wonder how it would affect independent publishers.

The King Caugheys

2008-05-19T14:55:00.000-07:00

(when i showed this to the kids they asked me "why is she holding asparagus?" -- i spent five minutes trying to explain candid shots by lay camerafolk before giving up)

it was so worth it

2008-05-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

those of you who know me well are aware that i have a penchant for falling down. i broke my clavicle once just by running in flip flops.

thus, it is no small achievement that i managed to walk in these for a good hour or so.

on gravel and uneven rock.

yes. those are actually my feet in those gorgeous, expensive machines of torture.

it's official

2008-05-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

canadians kick ass.

there are currently a couple of them in the kitchen right now trying to figure out measurement conversions and ridiculing fahrenheit as a method of measuring temperature. i think i can declare victory, as they just had to holler out "shan, does 'lb' mean pound"??

i think their aunt jamima waffles are going to turn out just fine.

update: emanuelle just added cumin by accident (she thought it was allspice). looks like we're having indian waffles this morning.

2008-05-16T04:10:00.000-07:00

i should be sleeping in, but my internal clock decided that 5:30AM would be a good time to wake up. i'm sitting on the king-caughey couch reading the news and such as a slew of canadians actually enjoy their slumber upstairs.

i need coffee.

justin's coffeemaker is too complicated even for my technical prowess.

on sunday and what's going on in general

2008-05-13T16:26:00.000-07:00

i made cobbler out of strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and raspberries. a little flour, sugar, a dash of this and that, and we had a glorious dessert for mother's day.

not much else to report: working hard this week (do not laugh. attempting to convince a 12-year-old who does not want to take a shower that he must take a shower is not easy work.) and preparing for the festivities this weekend. the caugheys, friends, and kings are descending upon austin to celebrate the love of my oldest friend/cousin and one kickass canadian.

if i manage not to fall down in the silver sandal heels that accompany my lavender bridesmaid's dress my sister owes me a dr. pepper.

monopoly and the creeping metaphysic

2008-05-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

whenever i play monopoly when there is a full moon, my fellow players and i roll doubles. a lot.

this has occurred with multiple sets of dice on a multitude of occasions.

last night was no exception. during my ten-minute-break with the 12-year-old i quite literally rolled nothing but doubles. this meant, of course, that i kept going to jail and getting out of jail.

seriously. doubles solamente. i felt like i was in an episode of the twilight zone, except it was in color and i was sitting on sky blue shag carpet in the villa's playroom. and there was no voiceover.

...we're consumers in a niche market assembing a self through choice...

2008-04-28T06:39:00.001-07:00

more cat and girl

thanks a lot, smu. the emperor may hand over his crown, but he shall reign over my little corner of dallas.

2008-04-26T13:52:00.000-07:00

or, i cannot believe you bastard bitches.

make way for the fracking bush library. it's going to eventually take out much more than a shopping strip. you are ripping out the sacred spaces where conversations have taken place over meals, where prescriptions have been purchased, where the glory of tomato basil soup was first discovered.

talk about shock and awe.

can't you just occupy the empty buildings across the street, the ms. baird's factory, liquor stores, the segway store that all failed? why not go ahead and take out the 7/11*?

leave us our soup and sourdough bread. our bookstore. our pharmacy. our roly poly sandwiches and bad chinese food.

bastard bitches.

*incidentally, my grandfather built the canopy above the gas pumps when i was a first-year student some moons ago.

thanks for the link, theyblinked

saturday morning

2008-04-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

the boy is working on a presentation. he will soon be an expert on pizarro, the gentleman (i say that with utter irony) who is responsible for wiping out the inca.

our favorite part of the story is when pizarro shows up in panama with the intent to convince the governor that he should grant pizarro money for his exploits. his proof? a handful of gold, a couple of enslaved peruvians, and...

a llama.

seriously.

and you love the city where you reside

2008-04-25T10:44:00.000-07:00

there are still stores you can go to in the early afternoon.

you can go to the counter and rattle off a handful of your favorite bands/musicians...

and they will give you recommendations. with the relatively new elbow singing the background of your new discoveries.

-----

it is spring in dallas. i'm spending ten minutes cleaning up, and then it is time to read some theology out by the pool before work.

the day is good.

this mornng on the way to school

2008-04-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

...the 9-year-old doodled on a plain white sheet of copy paper.

she left it behind, along with an empty raisin box and a plastic cup that had held cheerios mixed with milk and yogurt. sometimes starting one's day at 6:30 is a bother, but this day i was left a precious message penned in green highlighter and pencil.

go to the sun. today it rocks.

espanol

2008-04-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was walking the dog and some of the landscaping guys said hello en espanol. they asked me some question about lilly, and in smiling response i pulled this mangled sentence from my little knowledge of the language:

todos los dias caminar para el perro.

that literally translates as "all the days to walk for the dog".

brilliant, shan. just brilliant.

which is the passion and which is the hobby?

2008-04-18T03:32:00.000-07:00

the other night i was energetically telling my friend about the successful orzo-stuffed peppers experiment, which sparked an inspired exchange of recipe ideas.

this particular friend is my compatriot at perkins, where we share a keen interest in process theology (we spend the hours between class and work figuring out life, the universe, and everything).

upon witnessing what is unabashedly a foodie exchange, our companions found themselves contemplating the priorities of casey and shan. we protested when they implied that theology/philosophy was a hobby and the art of cooking? a passion.

now. this seems a little silly to give much thought, but i've had a bit of a rough week. a moment of navel-gazing before i head to work at 6AM seems appropriate. many, including my gran, have urged me to go to cooking school.

the thing is: i want to keep my love affair with the creative exchange between myself and vegetarian cuisine just that. i don't want it to become a job. the hours i spend in the kitchen are meditative, creative, glorious. (i still do call my cousin who is a chef on occasion when i need some advice. he still has yet to give me a recipe that involves saffron!)

i had the great fortune of pursuing an incredible career as an editor. i know it sounds crazy, but i'm in the process of pursuing a career in philosophy. that is the passion (and you know it, dan).

---
all of that said, my first thought this morning? i really should get some ghee.*

*does anyone actually know where to find ghee? i tried clarifying butter myself but that was about as successful as separating curds and whey. does anyone else wish that giada had an everyday indian or everyday vegetarian or everyday thai show?

2008-04-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

love does not control. it opens a space of becoming.

these words from catherine keller's "on the mystery: discerning god in process"

are these words in their simple beauty resonant because while they ring true they are so difficult to live? she is speaking about g-d, but she is also speaking of us (i doubt she would set up such a binary).

how did love come to mean ownership, control?

i think that process theologians are frightening for some not because that approach implies that we have something to lose.

it implies that we do not *have* it to start with.

more on this later. i have to get back to work.

ethics on the mind

2008-04-02T15:12:00.000-07:00

note to self: check out caputo's "hyperbolic justice"

-------

it is also part of my impiety that i do not accept the words of prophets literally, as if the prophets subscribed to a theory of truth as adequatio, but hyperbolically, as an excessive expression meant to sum up what is best in us and to effect justice.

(p 18, against ethics)

but then the next sentence follows:

Levinas's "infinity" is impossible for me, but it must be recalled that I do not drop things just because they are impossible; some of the most interesting and important things are impossible.

peacebone

2008-03-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

okay.

you can't be everything.

i'm grateful that, while i cannot be a poet or lyricist (as philosophy and the culinary arts occupy my creative attention, so much so that my sewing machine seems to leer at me from its cubby in the guest closet), i can take a moment to appreciate the words that others string together so eloquently.

i logged onto blogger with the intention of communicating something profound about language, both spoken and written. but i'm supposed to be writing right now, because in the past 24 hours i've had about 5 hours of incredible dialogue with some beloved, brilliant friends.

should a manifesto have a thesis, albeit a working thesis in process? because i'm on the verge of one, folks.

time for shan to spend an hour sussing out her understanding of the phaedrus, differance, continuums, meaning, ethics, creation, etc.

this post is rather all over the place, but i'll go ahead and publish in honor of the no backspace rule.

2008-03-20T07:10:00.000-07:00

cary's advice can be quirky and quite frankly off at times, but this resonated on some level.

i know, i know. it appeals to my reverse classism. it is still worthy of a good read.

on discovering a love of pears....

2008-03-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

this sandwich is wonderfully subtle.

while playing risk....

2008-03-12T15:51:00.000-07:00

after losing afghanistan and regaining it, but only being able to reinforce it with six units, i suggested that it would be silly to keep fighting over this one territory when the game has just begun.

the 12 year old says:
or we could just keep attacking afghanistan. it would be like the war on terror.

yes, i've been up studying since 3AM

2008-03-05T03:47:00.000-08:00

I don't generally speak in terms of favorites. I enjoy the color red; Andrew Bird has been my soundtrack of late; tomatoes are incredible.

That said, this is worth a read: my favorite theologian on my favorite philosopher.

Niebuhr says that patriotism transmutes individual unselfishness into national egoism. Oh, Reinhold! You obviously read Walt Whitman, Emerson, Thoreau! It is a horrible shame that the limitations of time and contingency precluded you from familiarity with the work of Richard Rorty. His was a patriotism worthy of respect.

Great Success!

2008-03-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

I have accomplished what I thought to be impossible: vegetarian gumbo.

I cannot, for the life of me, hear the call of Being.

2008-02-28T13:33:00.000-08:00

(I think that Being has discovered I am American and that I use a computer. I suspect an informer.)

John D. Caputo, Chapter One, Against Ethics

I sit in class during discussions about Kant, MacIntyre, Hauerwas and bite my tongue (most of the time).

The deconstruction of ethics is ethics' own doing, ethics' own undoing, right before our eyes. (p 4)

flu update

2008-02-15T12:08:00.000-08:00

the antiviral meds they give you are incredible -- but you have to start taking them before the third day of the disease (i can't say that the test they give you for the flu is anything i ever ever ever want to experience again).

today i'm probably at 50% shan, which means i've actually done some schoolwork and two loads of laundry! this is opposed to the me you would find yesterday -- a miserable heap huddled under the covers with her tissue box and books that she had not the wherewithal to understand. yeah. happy valentine's day to you too, virus of doom.

so: good news from this corner.

i'll be in my apartment with my books till monday. looking forward to class (and real human interaction!) tuesday.

okay. next year i promise to get my flu shot.

2008-02-14T10:57:00.000-08:00

missing an entire week of class?

not good.

Manifesto, a brief section

2008-02-10T14:29:00.000-08:00

Kant says that "happiness is an ideal not of reason but of imagination." (35, Foundations of the Metaphysics of Morals)

From what I understand, the essentialist bastard didn't really privilege happiness. Somewhere -- in a somewhat-parallel universe or in some concept of heaven -- he and Rorty are having a heated debate over contingency.

At least that's how I'd like to imagine reality.

----
thoughts (and diagrams!) on kant and caughey's similar cosmologies to come after the latter finishes her paper on ramakrishna.

Manifesto Introduction

2008-02-08T04:57:00.000-08:00

Literary theory becomes philosophy when you start to ask who has authority to interpret the text, when that very question leads you to broaden your understanding of what a text is. All of the sudden you find yourself talking about the meaning of life and something much more important than who or what has the agency, the means to interpret or communicate meaning, however small or large. Even the distinction between "small and large" become complicated when one takes into account contingency.

It seems horribly convoluted, as we, the always-already-in-an-interpretive-state beings, question being, question meaning.

But it really is quite simple. There is hope in that we, these interpretive beings situated contingently have the ultimate agency, the very awe-some power to create meaning.

There is a challenge locally, at least in the united states, in that we live in a culture of consumption. we are urged to consume rather than create. This is not to say that there is no value in deeply appreciating, being moved by a great work such as a film, a book, a dinner, a tapestry, a conversation -- but the emphasis should be on that verb, moved -- we should be moved to create ourselves and in doing so shape a small but crucial part of the world we inhabit.

What sort of world, what sort of city, what sort of neighborhood would you occupy if every single person drew from on another? What glorious pieces of art would emerge? What unification, solidarity, what sort of passion for social justice, what action to make it a reality would emerge?

Perhaps I have been reading too much Rorty. Perhaps I am drunk with hope.

When I toss out my selfishness, when I spend my time loving others -- even the dead philosophers by reading their work -- I sing with hope. My peers feel called to ministry. Some of my friends do as well.

I feel called to hope.

It is a welcome challenge.

and people still ask why i'm a vegetarian

2008-01-31T04:06:00.000-08:00

i don't have the words to respond to this.

wishes

2008-01-29T20:55:00.001-08:00

1. that my printer wouldn't print a test page every time i turn it on. or hook it to my computer. or there's a power surge. or it simply feels like torturing me.

2. that i could be one of those people (shan makes evil faces at all of the caughey aunts and uncles) who seem to be able to function on five hours of sleep and a cup of coffee in the morning.

3. that my cats were here.

4. that i had a new hood. because they're hard to find these days.