some thoughts on new years day
when we are loved we all feel that some concession has been made.
he was talking about beauty and a few other things.
so, quick state of the union:
- i'm currently writing a children's novel about the life of Bear, a pancake chef who happens to be a grizzly bear -- and also happens to have parents who lack imagination (that explains his name.) this project is under way in collaboration with two genius children. ann is doing the storyboards and illustration (and contributing some story details); chase is the official story editor, and has a huge hand in the creation of the story as it develops.
we hope to be sending some book proposals/sample chapters out to agents by mid-year.
i can't speak too much more at this time, as my co-authors are concerned that someone will steal our idea.
- i'm missing new year's dinner with family today. i am going to have to purchase some black eyed peas and greens at the grocery store, because at this point i really could use a little luck. and wealth.
- i have already begun exaggerating the story of the grand new year's water balloon beach caper -- not so much because i need to lie, but because i cannot really communicate the excitement of the experience without throwing a few marshmallow guns in. alas, the following is based on a true story, as experienced by several caugheys and friends on 30 december, 2006.
--------where to start?---------
perhaps aunt jac and her offspring deserve first mention.
for they are the whole reason that we had 1) a target 2) guns with which to shoot the horse hoof confection** 3) a master planner by the name of Al
kellyann's boyfriend and several of their friends (and a couple of parents) were staying a ways up the beach at the fancypants beach cabin with the most comfortable futons this side of the brazos.
how things played out
9PM the cousins, uncles and friends (with the exception of rich, al and chansc/e) have consumed a mimosa/beer/something or four
9:02PM the aforementioned folk decide to stop shooting marshmallows at one another (while expertly solving easy-level soduku/sudoko/westilldon'tknowhowtosaythedamnthing puzzles) (yes, we mastered the boxes of death while pelting one another with puffed confections in both white and pastels) and plot an attack on the 20+ college-aged persons (and the two parental chaperones)
9:13PM the sober folk drive to the store to purchase water balloons and marshmallows
9:16PM we realize that this operation must be recorded. a video camera is procured
9:30PM deanna assembles the munitions as we formulate our plan on a small napkin
9:40PM the three teams (team 1, team 2, and camera crew) drive down to do some reconnaissance
9:57PM teams 1 and 2 decided to go with plan A, as the targets are indeed outside, downstairs. they do not have flyswatters*
shanna of team 2 is relieved, as plan B involved her knocking on the door and drawing the targets into range by claiming that her vehicle was stuck in a washout on the beach. plan B had many flaws, two of which are as follows
1) shanna seriously injured herself by running in flip flops a year ago
2) she was wearing flip flops and it was very wet and slippery outside -- this means she had a good chance of
a) injuring herself
b) being taken hostage
10:02PM having parked their cars at local empty cabins, the three teams communicate via cell
10:03PM the camera crew is in place
10:05PM the teams confirm that target is in place and that the camera crew is rolling
10:10PM teams 1 and 2 take advantage of plastic bag and pocket technology to store their portable arsenal. a rendezvous point is chosen. twelve people dancelaughrun through mud and water thelifeaquaticstyle. they slink across watery backyards to the side of the house
10:11PM with a fierce yell of glory (as voiced by rich) the attack takes place. several of the blonde targets squeal in alarm
10:11.57PM the targets have shifted from a state of alarm to one of disgust and retaliation. one rather large gentleman says who throws water balloons and marshmallows? as he lobs a full beer at a member of team 1.
10:15 the attack is considered a success, with one exception. both teams are missing a member.
10:18 we locate the missing team 1 member. he indicates that, having been nailed in the knee with said beer can, he became confused and ran in the wrong direction. he had taken refuge in the sand dunes until he was able to detect the rest of our party aurally. apparently shanna has a distinctive laugh.
10:20 we locate the missing team 2 member. she thought it a good idea to apologize to the targets, as we had hit the parents with water balloons and the mom had a marshmallow stuck in her hair
10:30 we negotiate the return of our team member
10:45 all teams return to home base, where all events are reviewed verbally. the video evidence is reviewed
10:50PM the camera crew is dismissed, as teams 1 and 2 are disappointed with their cinematography
11:00PM beer is purchased in celebration despite the horrible cinematography
11:30PM the three teams wonder if retaliation is to be expected. a booby trap brainstorming session ensues.
8AM shanna awakes, somewhat groggy. after securing a large mug of coffee and a tumbler of orange juice, fresh from the thrill of defeating her enemies, she embarks on the most difficult challenge to date: a medium-level sudoku puzzle.
*this is an inside joke that will not seem amusing to anyone who wasn't present for the country flyswatting dance that took place on those grounds, in which several family members celebrated c&d's union in a country flyswatter dance that involved flipflops
no bones were broken in this sacred ritual
** guns are available for retail $1.37; each is hand-crafted from the finest pvc pipe available in south texas. for an extra $2 fruit-flavored marshmallows are included.
please send me an email if you are interested; i will forward all inquiries directly to my distributor
none of this has much to do with the leonard cohen quote.