Saturday, November 25, 2006 

all i want for christmas...

it is time to humble myself. time to sing a song.

all i want for christmas is my two front teeth

i just chipped a significant portion of my right front tooth off with cooked broccoli. soft cooked broccoli!

the rest isn't going to hang around much longer.

i was hoping for cookware, a potato masher or a large soup pot or something... but i'm in dire need of some dental work. or i'll be unable to bite into any of the delicious fare i cook.



good news, bad news

i always wanted to hear the bad news first. start off with disappointment and end with some kind of encouraging surprise.

so, even though i have to go to the office this morning after a full work day yesterday, i'm happy to say that i will be wearing jeans and a t-shirt and maybe even tennis shoes!

Friday, November 24, 2006 

it's friday morning. thanksgiving was good.

i'm at the office, holding onto the thin thread of hope that the carpet installers will get done by mid-afternoon so that i can go home.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 

good music for 6:16PM while working late

it's dark out
i have casseroles to cook
lines at the grocery to wait in
but for now i busy myself
time for money exchange
ain't fair
wish i was a beatle
time to pick up the guitar
create something
sit at a stove or a sewing machine
a keyboard, grab a pencil and a book and a screen

and no, i'm not the shan who posted this

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 

On the way home from taos....

we came across this motorist in a three-stoplight town on the long trek home....


music i need

sufjan xmas album
tom waits!


enjoying the new damien rice this morning, though the critics are right. it's pretty dark. sad.

Friday, November 17, 2006 

new phone number

i've got a new phone number; if you need it just shoot me an email (gmail acct) and i'll get it to you.

Sunday, November 05, 2006 


i don't particularly think there's a certain order to the universe, that things happen for a reason, etc.

of course, i have to admit that there's really no way to know. i'm just sharing my gut feeling.


i'm in a pretty strange place -- that's no secret. a year ago i was living on velasco, i was housetraining my puppy, and making fires in the chiminea on my front porch. (<--- note the serial comma. those suckers are insidious. such is the scourge of working in chicago style proper.) one evening a young gentleman stopped by to share a bottle of wine next to the crackle of fire (actually, he really came to ignite something with leah*). said gentleman had given me a cd of calexico to listen to, which i promptly lost in the mess that was currently the interior of my car.

when i finally unearthed the cd, i was disappointed to find that the files were corrupt. no calexico for shan.

*hey, come to think of it: that's two friends i've helped hook up with leahs. i should start charging for my services.


about a year later i find myself watching a dog who is already trained. i live on a street other than velasco -- in fact, i've moved three times in the past year. i'm starting to understand bethy's aversion to moving (although i do spring for movers these days).

my friend does not have a television, so i can't immerse myself in an episode of buffy or suck away the little free time i have with xbox.

so last night i put a cd in the player, poured a glass of wine, and settled in on the red couch with a happy pavlov at my feet. voila! calexico!

so sooo good. it feels healing in ways that don't merit words.

it was worth the wait.

Saturday, November 04, 2006 

glorieta part 2: what to bring next year

1. corkscrew
2. rudds
3. sharps


saturday morning in oak cliff

why on earth has some genius just not bothered to re-engineer the remote control: particularly the tiny removable piece of plastic that keeps the batteries in place? everyone i know has a clicker that is 1. scotch tape closed 2. backless.

we need something that works off kinetic energy. maybe something like that flashlight that works when you shake it.


i'm dog/housesitting this weekend. it's a little crazy, as i started the new job and still have my babysitting obligations *and* i'm making santa fe tacos for my mom tonight to belatedly celebrate her birthday. it is appropriate to honor the birth of the woman who is responsible for passing down the genes that make you look a near-decade younger than you actually are. seriously, folks: mom looks amazing. and seriously, folks: one of my new co-workers thought i was 19. 19!

that's just plain crazy. but i'll take it.


glorieta part 1: the post-atheist speaks

i have never spent a single day in new mexico that i didn't just plain love. each visit is distinct, unique, incredible in ways one can never anticipate. i have made lifelong friends of perfect strangers each time i've ventured that direction.

which, you might understand, makes it the perfect place for an emergent gathering.

i'll spare you the pastoral (we're talking nature here, folks, not the vocation) descriptions and dive smack dab into the good stuff. the campus is rather beautiful, and you can see some pictures by searching for "emergent gathering 2006" on flickr.

(indicentally: if any attendees have pictures they'd like to share, please put them up on flickr and tag accordingly!)

two of my favorites: no, we didn't pose ourselves. don't we kind of look like the polyphonic spree?


separate but equal?
emerging women

let's just dive on in, shall we?

i had a great conversation over tacos and red wine with about eight women and one man in what i've come to refer to as the main cabin (mostly because i never went up to the other cabin). i was drawn into the conversation (i'd actually wanted to attend a session with peyton and dan on something i considered more substantitive) but i had made the acquaintence of julie, sarah and karen in the kitchen while cooking chili and sarah used her powers of persuasion (along with the mystery of her taco recipe) to draw me there.

we smoked up the kitchen, smiled and laughed among the crackle and splatter sounds of tortillas coming to life in oil, dug a few bottles out of the pantry, engaged in a desperate search for a corkscrew (it's a baptist campus... the kitchen isn't stocked with such items), found opened wine from the evening before, turned on a tape recorder and settled in around the main room.

the core concern seems to be creating a safe space for a woman's voice in the emergent movement. now there are some nuanced arguments back and forth about this (check out this post on julie's blog and elsewhere, but i think they miss the point.

julie has such a warm, inviting voice (and presence), but i have to wonder what she means by "safe space."

the emergent conversation already is safe space, a welcoming space for female voices.

i don't see a need for this official gendered discourse.

what really shocked me was the use of the slogan "separate but equal" to refer to emergent women. wtf? it is only too fitting that the phrase has a very specific historical significance, e.g. it was the slogan used to justify segregation!
think plessy vs. ferguson!

it seems that women are unnecessarily claiming victim status, literally segregating themselves along these gender identity lines (even while inviting men to come along for the ride).

isn't the whole point of this emerging church that it's -- well -- emerging? it's rather different than the old model of doing church; it's keying off of those traditions but participants take a radically different approach. i think the tone and content of this specific conversation about emerging women is antiquated: we are not a community of oppressed pastor's wives. this is an emerging movement; this isn't the old model, and approaching it as such is only going to yield frustration and failure.

what i mean is this: sitting around talking about how to make it easier for other women to come to the conversation, worrying that women don't have a voice keeps you from actually being the voice. you are, in a sense, oppressing yourselves.

i want to encourage the women who are already part of the conversation to stop talking *about* the conversation and actually participate. it's like a planning session for what we are going to be. fuck that! just be!


i'm not arguing that people who have something in common (be it gender, an interest in derrida or cooking or babies) shouldn't create relationships and systems of support, that they shouldn't engage in conversations about the challenges they share.

i think this is already happening in a very organic, natural fashion. what i take issue with is precisely this: i don't think that the women are being oppressed, at least by emergent. they don't particularly need to fight this battle. they are actually creating it.

what does all of this boil down to? i don't want someone to be interested in my voice just because i'm a female. of course my identity naturally brings unique nuance to the content of my contribution... but it should not comprise the entirety of what i have to say. we're eventually going to train others to give our voice their attention because we are women if we keep demanding that they do so.

you have a voice. use it.


all of that said, are there ways to make the emergent gathering, specifically, more inviting to married women with children? yes. encourage people to bring their kids. create a childcare crew that functions like the food and hospitality crews (in general i think this is only necessary for younger kids. the older kids seem to get along just fine taking care of themselves and each other as they create adventures on the vast beautiful playground that is the glorieta campus).

Thursday, November 02, 2006 

the grateful commuter

yes, that is correct. ms. caughey has joined the ranks of the officially employed.

too bad i don't have bandwidth in my car, though i can see the wisdom in actually focusing on the road even when you can measure your inches per hour....


i'm too busy to participate in nanowrimo this year (and honestly, i can't say that i ever made the goal. i did start a novel last year, but i think i lost it when my last computer died). i am going to sign up though. it's a good way to track progress by word count, and my manifesto needs some attention.

also coming up: thoughts on the emergent gathering.

but first i have to put on some eyeliner and a business suit and get myself to the new office.

there is hope on this cold november morning.